i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
