and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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