That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
