What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
