I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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