those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
