Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
