Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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