Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
