I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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