you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
