Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
