My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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