our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
