are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
