I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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