He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
