i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my liver is dry heaving
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
