His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
