i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
