Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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