Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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