My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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