I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
