I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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