Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
