can we get nightvision for the apartment?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize