i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
