Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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