I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
