I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
