Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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