I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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