Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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