Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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