my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
