I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
