is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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