I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
