I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
