I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
