I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
