Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A+ Viking dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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