I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
