I just pynch a tree in the face
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
