this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
