There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
