I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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