you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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