i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
