I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
