$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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