20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Are my feet made of real feet?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
