she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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