i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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