Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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