I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
