I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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