I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
