We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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