ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
