I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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