It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
