I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
