I am in a vortex of obligation.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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