yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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