can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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