so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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